Clearing my throat

I knew when I started this blog that I would want to talk about certain...struggles I've had and continue to have in this life. Depression, anxiety and weight. I group them together in this context because they are all intertwined. I continue to work on all 3 and the emotional gunk that lies underneath. I have recently started with a new therapist with whom I really connect well. I am a huge proponent of therapy, for me it has been and continues to be a vital component to my well-being.

Growing up, I was probably considered not shy but maybe a little timid. Looking back, I remember being just kind of...afraid. Afraid to take chances, speak up for myself, be different -- afraid of not being liked or having someone be mad at me. I guess these are fairly typical concerns for most kids, but thinking back on it as an adult - I felt paralyzed much of the time. I come from a long line, on both sides of my family, of a history of depression and anxiety, so given the genetical factor that is known now, it's not too surprising that I hit the jackpot on these.

There is the constant rebalancing of so many little pieces to depression and anxiety. Meds are just a part of it for me and is something I will have to re-evaluate for the rest of my life when need be. Exercise is a HUGE part of this for me. It is so clear that when I am staying active and taking good physical care of my body, that it has a huge positive impact on everything else. I know that a lot of this is just common sense really. A collection of mamaisms, if you will: eat healthy, exercise, slow down (this is especially tough for me), etc. Being respectful of yourself. Taking the time to give to yourself whatever it is that you need. I think this may be why I am drawn to Buddhism now. Being in the moment and being conscious of your thoughts, actions, words, choices...that it is important to PAY ATTENTION. This is an ongoing, organic practice and I try to remember that each day, each minute is a chance to practice. I will never get it right all the time - I don't think we are supposed to. Much like the butterfly that requires the struggle to break out of the cocoon so that it can have the strength to fly - we need these struggles as well so that we can find our power and our voices.

Heather Armstrong has a blog, called Dooce. She has tremendous courage and has written quite candidly and with raw beauty about her own struggles with depression and anxiety. I've read many of her posts and thought "Oh, I've been there." And so I want to be one more voice out here. Telling my story.

We have already seen and heard from so many women in such a short period of time with Mamaisms Gear -- that same kind of recognition and alliance in each other. It's the concurrent celebration of how much we share in common and how each individual's story matters.